A Rare Political Post

I really didn't want to get into politics much on this blog. Two things happened today that made me change my mind, hence this post.

I saw Barbara West's interview question to Joe Biden today on the news and the consequential fallout. Then later this afternoon I was reading another blog, The Daily Weaving. I am not saying anything else, other than to urge you to read that blog entry and watch the interviews with Barbara West and Joe Biden, then think about it with an open mind.

Notes from the End of October

I have applied for a few jobs. We'll see what happens.


Our computer died, so I am only online sporadically for awhile now.


Our bank account was broken into and money stolen. Fraud stinks. The bank will cover but it still stinks.

I finally joined myspace, after fearing it for years. I must say I like it so far, and am looking forward to the prospect of staying in touch with some folks a bit more regularly, it's easy there. I found several nieces and nephews on there and I'm pleased about that!

The weather is markedly cooler. I am staying busy with ministry related activities and will update later.


Oh yes, and Kirisuto/Garra won the contest. She will be receiving her prize soon(er or later). Thanks to all (Amy! Preacher! Garra!) who commented and participated!

Baby-Man

I have noticed a certain personality characteristic some men have that I call “Baby Man.” I have observed people with this personality type in various ages, education levels and socio-economic backgrounds. These types of people can be especially challenging to deal with, and it’s especially tricky to rally round the women who love such men. The range of hurt and frustration these women display is nearly as potent as the other more aggressive kinds of marital dysfunction. Inevitably the wives are the ones who have to deal with and suffer from their attachment to these man-babies.


A “Baby-Man” is a grown man who acts like a child. Many of these men are delightful and charming, and other than this, they are good and likable fellows. Nobody is one-dimensional, and I realize that these guys have other qualities, they are more than their immaturity, but that is difficult to catch sight of after awhile. I am not talking about folks who have an off day where they indulge their inner-child or occasionally act childish. I am not talking about those who keep a child-like wonder with life, or even have some kid-like or fan-boy hobbies. My mom jokingly says, “Fellas don‘t start to mature until 30.” There’s a bit of truth in that notion, at least in our little sphere of experience, and guys I mean you no disrespect. Lord knows we women have our own issues. How many of us grew up together as we walked through married life? I know Big Daddy and I BOTH have.


I am talking about grown men who have responsibilities and commitments, yet consistently choose to act as selfishly and irresponsibly as if they were in middle school. Have you run into the type? They flit from one job to another, each time claiming the next one is the one that’s really their calling in life. They claim the reasons their previous jobs and schemes didn’t work out is due to some other factor or person. The economy went bad, their boss or co-worker had it in for them, or some other explanation that is difficult to believe because year after year, it’s the same old story. Whereas some people learn from their past mistakes, growing and making gradual improvements, these people refuse to accept responsibility and make necessary changes. They stay stuck in adolescent fantasy. When describing their latest plan/job/etc., they have all the zeal of a spoiled adolescent boy describing and selling the latest gaming system to his parents in hopes they will buy it for him soon. That includes explaining how lame the previous one has become.


Their wives or partners suffer the fall out of a life in constant upheaval. They move often or change jobs often or often have troubles due to the baby-man’s short attention span and his constant appetite for another toy to play with or another distraction to occupy him. Often it leads to debt or bad credit. Unfortunately that appetite can often include infidelity - which is the ultimate betrayal these poor women suffer. Yet somehow, the Baby-Men always seem to garner sympathy from their partners because of the off balanced thing in their relationships.


What is that thing?


I’m guessing that often their wives’ or partner’s nurturing instinct overrides her wifely sensibilities. Women can naturally be more nurturing than men, and these kinds of guys use that to their advantage. If a wife were to really think about it, it’s kind of lame, un-sexy and un-natural to fall into a mothering dynamic with a husband. We are to take our vows seriously, for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, honoring and cherishing each other. In healthy relationships, certainly that includes caring for each other and nurturing each other. These kinds of men are masters at taking that notion and running with it until it breaks any semblance of a caring, mature relationship and warp it into a life where they have a mama that caters to their every whim, indulges them like a spoiled child and sleeps with them. If she's not actually catering to her Man-Baby's whims, she's putting up with it, running flusteredly around cleaning up the messes the way a busy mom runs after an active and impish toddler.


When the Man-Boys don’t get their way, they make life miserable for their partner, and I frequently observe them employing the techniques I see children employ to get their way: Tantrums, running away, manipulation, bargaining, and pouting. At other times they are on their best behavior, this happens when they are wanting something or after they get caught doing something bad and they’re trying to make up for it. These Baby-Men remind me of that old Judy Brady essay, but I believe these men go much, much further. That essay was written in the early 1970s. Oh how the dynamics of relationships have changed since then! Our culture has changed as well, some things for better and some for worse. Many of the men I’ve encountered with this personality type are not the career-minded man of Brady’s essay. They shun work and school! They seem to want to sit around as much as possible and pay video games (or some other hobby) to excess, in that their families actually suffer financially or in other ways because of that. The first person they cater to in life, the person who’s utmost comfort is their primary concern is not their children or their wife, it‘s themselves.


I have often thought of the very plain and harsh words of St. Paul, here, regarding men who won’t care for their own. Isn’t real love* about each partner putting the other one first? Some very satisfying and happy marriages have been built on that notion. I know I read somewhere a beautiful saying about “love being patient* and kind, not jealous or boastful or proud or rude and it does not demand its own way.”


So what can these women who are partnered to baby men do? I know a few of them have successfully encouraged their man-babies to grow up. It wasn’t always easy for them, but they found boundaries they could live with and set them. I believe the Lord would have us spur each other on to be better people and when we see serious character flaws, they must be addressed and dealt with. “When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things.” It’s time to grow up!


*Sorry, i'm stuck on that song and threw it in.
*the love chapter

A Brown-Eyed American Girl Looks at 40

What can I say? I wanted to write something clever, insightful and funny about my milestone. But you know me. So, this will be more like a whining journal entry from an overgrown emo kid. I thank God I made it this far. I feel my 40 years and I’m at peace with them right now. When I was about 32 or so, I kind of freaked out a little. I suppose if you would have asked me then I would have said, I can’t see myself at thirty, I don’t want a lacquered thirty...Jefferson I think we're lost. I was overweight, unhappy about some things. My hair was getting more gray. For several years I had this single gray hair that grew in the same place and I could just pluck it out. Then came multiple gray hairs. I got highlights which was nice, they camouflaged the gray, until the day my hairdresser overdid it and fried my hair. I let it grow out and have not had it done since. Back then I even began to lie about my age, shaving off a few years. Can you believe it? A pastor’s wife lying about her age, well you know I didn’t get away with that nonsense for long. Then something happened, I began to consciously just try be happy with myself. OK, I wasn’t hard on other people who were chubby, flustered or fill-in-the-blank. So why was I so hard on myself? Yes, I could stand to lose a few pounds, but until I do, I am not going to beat myself up over it. It’s sort of like the Serenity Prayer, I was changing the things I could, accepting the things I couldn’t and beginning to seek the Lord for the wisdom to know the difference in it all. So I’m counting my blessings. I’ve had a good life so far. I was adopted by wonderful parents, I was given up for adoption by wonderful parents. I feel like I had a really happy childhood and not everyone can say that. I found a excellent man. He’s an honorable husband and a darn good father. We have our ups and downs, but overall I feel like we might be hitting our stride, and that feels pretty good. I have three children that are the absolute cat’s pajamas. I’m happy with my life. I’m still overweight, I’m still not quite the productive artist I’d like to be, but I know that I have been blessed and I know who has sent those blessings my way. Really, that is the key. Before I had a spiritual awakening, conversion, whatever you want to call it, I had no lasting peace or happiness in my life. Since that conversion, my faith, hope and trust are in Jesus Christ and that has made a difference for me. So I thank God for these 40 years and ask Him to help me live another 40 or so, and be a reflection of some of His goodness while He gives me the time. Some days I still feel like the scared and confused 14 year old who stood alone on her balcony listening to cars roll by, down on 441, like waves crashing on the beach (on US 1, really, I could hear the waves and the cars). How many desperate moments did I have then? Other days I feel like singing, Sha la la la....Sha la la la La dee da! One thing for sure I do not feel like an over forty victim of fate. Pardon me for sounding like a cliché, sometimes the lights all shining on me, other times I can barely see, lately it occurs to me, what a long, strange trip it’s been. I think what I realize more and more now, is just how little I do know, how much more I’d like to learn and do, and when my time is up, will my Heavenly Father be happy with what I’ve done? Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.


*for the first person to correctly name all the song lyrics and artists I referenced in the above post, there will be a free prize, a little peice of original art from yours truly. répondez s'il vous plaît.

Insanity, Procrastination & Change

One of Big Daddy’s favorite quotes is the following from Albert Einstein:
Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
He uses this in his messages from time to time. He illustrates it by walking into a wall several times. Then he will finally stop and turn, or open a door. It drives the point home.

So, today, dear readers, I’ll let you in on a secret. From the biggest things in your life to the smallest, don’t expect any change for the better until you change. The “you” is “me” and I’m writing this to myself. God will send you help if you want to change for the better, but He expects some effort on your part. Only the smallest effort. A hand reaching up. A sincerely whispered, ‘I’m sorry.” A realization. Aha! But if you continue in your old patterns and habits, things will stay the same or get worse.

I will not be happy, completely happy until I pick up a paintbrush, or pencil, or charcoal or something REGULARLY and put it to paper! The dry spell won’t stop until I start. Doing. Regularly. Like. Brushing. My. Teeth.

What insanity are you striving to overcome?

I am also striving to floss daily. I hate it, but I know it’s good for me.

He was a good actor

Rest in peace, Paul Newman.

The Caylee Protest Melee

It’s difficult to live in Florida without being aware of the disappearance of Caylee Anthony. My Mom lives in Central Florida, where this occurred, and has been following the story in the news due to sympathetic concern. This story has also made national headlines, so the chances are fairly certain that many throughout the USA have heard about it. It’s a sad story and it merits our prayerful concern, to be sure. I am also concerned about one other aspect of the case. For many reasons, this has caught people’s hearts and attention in such a way they feel a strong need for a public demonstration. This case has provoked many people to gather daily outside the home of the Anthony Family. Some gather in support, and some in protest of the Anthony’s, see here. There have been yelling matches and shoving confrontations outside their home, and none of it has done any good toward solving the mystery of what happened to this little girl. I urge those who feel compelled to protest (or support) the family, to really think hard about what they are doing, and what possible outcome it could provoke. If they still feel obliged to react in public, please review and adopt the non-violent and peaceful methods that Gandhi, Rev. Dr. King and many others used in protests. They have proven to be just as effective, if not more so, than the shouting and hoopla that have so far characterized the Caylee protests. Granted, Gandhi and Dr. King were protesting major and grave social injustices. Their campaigns were successful. How much more successful could these methods be if applied to those gathering in sad unity and outrage over the possible kidnapping or murder of this child? I think very effective. Please consider that while the Anthony family does appear suspicious, they are innocent until proven guilty in a court of law. They are experiencing this loss and grief in a way most of us cannot imagine, and God forbid any of us should have to walk in their shoes. Please bear in mind that the entire neighborhood where the protests occur is impacted by the demonstrations. Many innocent bystanders are negatively effected by this, and they deserve consideration. How could the protest continue, but with the least amount of disruption to all of the neighbors? I beg the protesters to think hard about all of this. Why not adopt the non-violent and peaceful protest methods of Gandhi and Dr. King? If the point of protest is compassion for a little girl in peril, a silent and prayerful candlelight vigil is more productive than a messy screaming match. If the point is to show antagonism and suspicion toward the Anthony family, I believe a silent sit-in would be the most effective course of action. For those that suppose the Anthony’s guilt or compliance in the disappearance, wouldn’t a silent protest show that many are wary of them? Yet it would still be respectful of the grief that surrounds the entire situation, and show respect to the neighbors. Just imagine yourself in this situation - first as the Anthony’s, and then as the neighbors. How would you feel if this was going on outside your home and down your street?