The Upside of Obesity

From
Venus de Milo to
Venus of Willendorf...
but happier? How can that be?
First let me say that I have always made an effort to not judge or have any type of prejudice against overweight people. This is because I came from a family that had some large people in it and I loved them very much. It made me angry when people would make fun of their size, it hurt. In the interest of full disclosure though, I ought to tell that I did participate in calling my one of my Catholic Elementary School Principals Sister Buffalo-Butt. That was not so much a commentary on her size as it was my overall disdain for her.

Well, it's one thing to love your fat family and friends and to sincerely reassure them that you love and appreciate them for all that they are. It's another thing when you are the fat one. Weight is difficult and complicated to change, I used to hear on the radio, it's not about what you're eating but what's eating you - meaning there are psychological and emotional issues going on in most cases. The people that really love and accept you are few and far between, I discovered. People are less inclined to talk to you, and you get treated differently. Crass people who do not fight fair, will be happy use 'fat' in a curse ridden slur against you if you confront them because their kid or their dog did something s/he/it should not have. Then there are the subtly mean people who never miss a chance to get in a nicely placed veiled insult.

Once upon a time we rented a beach condo for a family vacation, while longing by the pool two women had a conversation. I was one of them:

Size 22 me to my "friend": That's a very pretty bathing suit, you look nice.

Size 12/14 "friend": Oh THIS? I'm so fat I shouldn't even be wearing a bathing suit.

I was stunned by my callus friend. If you can imagine saying the above statement to a person who is roughly twice your size and also in a bathing suit, you are a jerk and you need to learn how to love yourself and others and get some real manners. It seems like to me the happier and more at peace I became with myself, the more I realized I didn't have to put up with mean people like my above friend. It had taken me years but I was beginning to see that friend in a true light, and these sorts of comments were rather typical. She was not very supportive of me - the real me. She herself was very unhappy about various things in her life. I always tried to encourage her - she was a budding, self-taught musician* often down on herself because she married young, never finished high school and seemed to feel stuck at times in an unhappy marriage. Today she has a very good local following, and I am glad to have been a positive voice in her life, I tried very hard to never belittle her in any way, but to affirm her. Finally, I had to limit my contact with her because the positivity was one sided.

You know the old saying that when you go through hard times you discover who your real friends are? Well, I think gaining the weight also revealed my real friends and my superficial friends. These changes taught me something.

When my friend Chris began writing his blog about his plan to get fit and lose weight, it made me want to explore some positives about being overweight. Yes, you read that correctly. Is there anything good about being overweight? Not very much, the negative health aspect is serious and substantial. But I try to look for the positives in everything and I believe with all of my rather small, fractured and sometimes stony heart, that God will allow you to glean some good even if you find yourself obese. Like Chris, I am also not nearly as thin as I was back when we were punk kids. I have been meeting very slow and steady goals toward permanent and healthy changes regarding my weight, lifestyle and exercise. One good thing I think I have learned by being overweight is to try and have more compassion on people. I am realizing that people are so much more than their appearance, or even one dimension or aspect of themselves, if that makes sense. Another realization is I have discovered I love myself now more than ever. That's a very odd thing for me to even write, it seems so self-absorbed to write it. When I have a healthy view of myself, I am of better service to others, and my faith is all about service. It seems I could accept anyone else but myself. I am not fixated on my every flaw. When I was younger, thinner and what many would consider prettier, I realize how much time and energy I wasted back then on internal worry and dissatisfaction. I might look fat and ugly to some people on the outside, but on the inside I am very happy with myself and my life. I just couldn't say that before. I am grateful for the health I do have, and for the miles I've put on this body. It seems as if when I finally decided to not worry and obsess over my weight, and just accept myself and make the best of how I was I became free of the trouble of it. Who knew that just a change in my own attitude toward myself, namely the resolve to not even think about my weight, would lead to my actually losing weight?

I had no problem loving and accepting my heavy loved ones, but I had a hard time taking it easy on myself when I was at my heaviest, but with time and God's grace I believe I have changed. I make a very concentrated effort now to keep the negative people in my life limited. Those kinds of people are never truly supportive or loving, they are like furniture with an nice polished veneer, but once the surface has been scratched with them, you find that things are not as nice underneath, and there isn't any way to repair the scratch unless you take drastic measures. I have found that most people don't want that kind of a relationship - where iron truly sharpens iron and people really work through their issues with one another honestly. I'm ready for genuine and solid things now, within myself and in significant friendships. My philosophy is: Be happy, truly happy with who and what you are. If you're not happy to the point of real distraction, then do something about it. But if you're not willing to do something about it, then find a way occupy and enjoy as-is, at least until you can find the motivation, or until you become at peace with it.

If anyone else out there can relate - have you learned any lessons about yourself and others if/when you went through a health problem or weight gain? Could you find an upside to your situation?

'de Milo' photo by avrenim_acceber
'Willendorf' photo by Lisby1

Regular People Getting Healthier, and a little Friday funny thrown in for good measure...

Two of my online friends are chronicling their journey towards better health and well-being. I wanted to link them today because I think their stories could be very helpful to many people and I find them encouraging and interesting. So many folks, myself among them, have resolved to make good changes in this new year, and these entries go right along with that. So please take a few minutes to check them out:

Hormonal Imbalance from The Daily Weaving Blog, in which Amy chronicles her struggles and triumphs with an important and often overlooked part of people's health. I say 'people's' health because fluctuating hormones effect both men and women, particularly in middle age. For women it seems to be more pronounced because of the effects of menopausal factors. Since most men have female partners, and consequently have to deal with the effects in that respect, it's beneficial for them to have a rudimentary understanding of those factors. In all fairness though, men also need to have their hormonal levels evaluated.

Sumo Size Back to Judo Size in which Chris chronicles his weight loss and fitness plan. Chris is an old friend of Big Daddy and I, and I remember well when he had a life altering event, which he explains on his blog. That event greatly contributed to his weight gain, along with all the other things many of us in middle age face: balancing marriage, having and raising children, career choices and stress, changes in metabolism, etc.

And now for something completely different:


see more Engrish

A Brown-Eyed American Girl Looks at 40

What can I say? I wanted to write something clever, insightful and funny about my milestone. But you know me. So, this will be more like a whining journal entry from an overgrown emo kid. I thank God I made it this far. I feel my 40 years and I’m at peace with them right now. When I was about 32 or so, I kind of freaked out a little. I suppose if you would have asked me then I would have said, I can’t see myself at thirty, I don’t want a lacquered thirty...Jefferson I think we're lost. I was overweight, unhappy about some things. My hair was getting more gray. For several years I had this single gray hair that grew in the same place and I could just pluck it out. Then came multiple gray hairs. I got highlights which was nice, they camouflaged the gray, until the day my hairdresser overdid it and fried my hair. I let it grow out and have not had it done since. Back then I even began to lie about my age, shaving off a few years. Can you believe it? A pastor’s wife lying about her age, well you know I didn’t get away with that nonsense for long. Then something happened, I began to consciously just try be happy with myself. OK, I wasn’t hard on other people who were chubby, flustered or fill-in-the-blank. So why was I so hard on myself? Yes, I could stand to lose a few pounds, but until I do, I am not going to beat myself up over it. It’s sort of like the Serenity Prayer, I was changing the things I could, accepting the things I couldn’t and beginning to seek the Lord for the wisdom to know the difference in it all. So I’m counting my blessings. I’ve had a good life so far. I was adopted by wonderful parents, I was given up for adoption by wonderful parents. I feel like I had a really happy childhood and not everyone can say that. I found a excellent man. He’s an honorable husband and a darn good father. We have our ups and downs, but overall I feel like we might be hitting our stride, and that feels pretty good. I have three children that are the absolute cat’s pajamas. I’m happy with my life. I’m still overweight, I’m still not quite the productive artist I’d like to be, but I know that I have been blessed and I know who has sent those blessings my way. Really, that is the key. Before I had a spiritual awakening, conversion, whatever you want to call it, I had no lasting peace or happiness in my life. Since that conversion, my faith, hope and trust are in Jesus Christ and that has made a difference for me. So I thank God for these 40 years and ask Him to help me live another 40 or so, and be a reflection of some of His goodness while He gives me the time. Some days I still feel like the scared and confused 14 year old who stood alone on her balcony listening to cars roll by, down on 441, like waves crashing on the beach (on US 1, really, I could hear the waves and the cars). How many desperate moments did I have then? Other days I feel like singing, Sha la la la....Sha la la la La dee da! One thing for sure I do not feel like an over forty victim of fate. Pardon me for sounding like a cliché, sometimes the lights all shining on me, other times I can barely see, lately it occurs to me, what a long, strange trip it’s been. I think what I realize more and more now, is just how little I do know, how much more I’d like to learn and do, and when my time is up, will my Heavenly Father be happy with what I’ve done? Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.


*for the first person to correctly name all the song lyrics and artists I referenced in the above post, there will be a free prize, a little peice of original art from yours truly. répondez s'il vous plaît.