We have never celebrated Halloween with our children. Big Daddy and I came to faith in Christ the year our oldest was born, and it was a spiritual awakening that totally rocked our world, so to speak. We were changed. We stopped moving in one direction and began heading in another: Following Christ. Part of that was forsaking and abandoning all of the things we participated in or associated with our old, sinful lives. Halloween reminded us both of satanism, Paganism and assorted revelry of the inebriated kind. So, we decided it was not in our family's best interest as Christ-followers to make much ado about it. This verse really spoke volumes to us in regards to us celebrating Halloween.
We took some flack for it. We've been made to feel like we were weird and cult-ish for not participating, or that we were depriving our children of a fun time. We've managed, and our children are fine. Variously we've participated in Harvest parties or let our children dress up as their favorite storybook character at school. But we just never got into the spooky decorations and trick-or-treating and bonna-fide Halloween parties. I just felt a deep level of spiritual discomfort over the Pagan roots, occult and horror imagery, and the sexy, party atmosphere that modern Halloween celebrations conjure up.
So I'm striking a balance between teaching our younger children that while Halloween celebrations aren't for us (and why), many other people, some Christians and good folks, don't share our same convictions, and that doesn't make them bad. We all have to live by what the Holy Spirit leads and convicts each of us to do. St. Paul said "All things are lawful for me, but not all things are expedient." I think his words there, and regarding what one eats (see here) could readily apply to this subject.
A few other bloggers discussed this same subject nicely here and here.
Saturday, October 31, 2009
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Monday, October 26, 2009
Getting One's Groove Back
(c)M.d.V.2009
So, I began this blog as a way to journal about life and such,
as a way to rekindle my creativity,
and work through what I think is blocking me.
So, I'm pleased to report that I have been steadily
drawing and sketching a bit every week
and it feels very good.
Sunday, October 25, 2009
My Mom's Unusual Day
My Mom is 75 years old and enjoying a healthy and active retirement. Her faith has become stronger and stronger over the past decade, and I find her to often be a quiet and shining example of God's love.
Several years ago, she sought out the widows group at her church, and I'm fairly sure it was through there that she became active in her local senior center. She and some of the women from her widows group take fitness classes at the center, and became involved with other community things through both groups.
One of the people they became acquainted with at the senior center is another elderly widow, who is about 10 years older than my Mom, named Melanie*. Mom takes her grocery shopping and sometimes cooks for her. I believe Melanie has some family nearby, but they travel for business quite often. Melanie has been wanting to treat my Mom to lunch, as a thank you for all the little things she's done, but my Mom kept postponing it due to being busy with other things.
This Saturday my Mom agreed to lunch before their grocery shopping trip. They had a nice lunch then went to the grocery store. My Mom ran some errands around the shopping center while Melanie shopped, then met up with her as she was checking out. Melanie seemed slightly tired while they were walking back to her car, so my Mom told her to go and sit down while she put the groceries in the trunk.
In that very short space of time while my Mom put the groceries in the trunk, Melanie passed away while quietly and peacefully seated in my Mom's car. My Mom was shocked, to say the least. When she called me later in the day to tell me all of this, she had settled into a calm sort of acceptance. We discussed how it was really quite a blessing in many ways. I encouraged her that it was actually an honor that the Lord would trust her to be with one of His children during their final hours. Of all the people it could have been, it was her. They had a calm and uneventful day, but that is a blessing in its own way. There are so many ways one could count and consider this to be a blessing, so I'm thinking about those types of things and reminding myself that anyone of us could leave this world at any time.
What kind of memories and impressions would we like to leave when we go? Are we ready to stand before the Lord? Even though we have no control over it, what kind of final day would we like to have? Who would we most like to be with?
Several years ago, she sought out the widows group at her church, and I'm fairly sure it was through there that she became active in her local senior center. She and some of the women from her widows group take fitness classes at the center, and became involved with other community things through both groups.
One of the people they became acquainted with at the senior center is another elderly widow, who is about 10 years older than my Mom, named Melanie*. Mom takes her grocery shopping and sometimes cooks for her. I believe Melanie has some family nearby, but they travel for business quite often. Melanie has been wanting to treat my Mom to lunch, as a thank you for all the little things she's done, but my Mom kept postponing it due to being busy with other things.
This Saturday my Mom agreed to lunch before their grocery shopping trip. They had a nice lunch then went to the grocery store. My Mom ran some errands around the shopping center while Melanie shopped, then met up with her as she was checking out. Melanie seemed slightly tired while they were walking back to her car, so my Mom told her to go and sit down while she put the groceries in the trunk.
In that very short space of time while my Mom put the groceries in the trunk, Melanie passed away while quietly and peacefully seated in my Mom's car. My Mom was shocked, to say the least. When she called me later in the day to tell me all of this, she had settled into a calm sort of acceptance. We discussed how it was really quite a blessing in many ways. I encouraged her that it was actually an honor that the Lord would trust her to be with one of His children during their final hours. Of all the people it could have been, it was her. They had a calm and uneventful day, but that is a blessing in its own way. There are so many ways one could count and consider this to be a blessing, so I'm thinking about those types of things and reminding myself that anyone of us could leave this world at any time.
What kind of memories and impressions would we like to leave when we go? Are we ready to stand before the Lord? Even though we have no control over it, what kind of final day would we like to have? Who would we most like to be with?
Letting The Fantasy Die & Embracing Reality
I have been slowly letting the fantasy I have about my addicted loved one die. What good is it to harbor a fantasy that is not rooted in reality? There is a difference in hope and fantasy, and I think for a long time maybe I have blurred the lines between the two and it hasn't been helpful.
For a long time, in the back of my mind I had this dream that my ALO would recover things would get back to normal (whatever that is) and we'd be some sort of regular family again. Maybe we'd even open a restaurant together. We'd have happy Thanksgivings and Merry Christmases around a table that would make Norman Rockwell proud. My ALO would have their zest for life restored and become a productive and upstanding member of society and our family. We'd all be reasonably happy together.
The truth is, I needed a HUGE reality check. Things could never get back to normal because they were never "normal" to begin with. The fantasy I held was my very own fantasy, no one else shared it with me. I never bothered to really consider if this fantasy was the same dream anyone else shared. Rather it was just some thing that I harbored in my own mind, assuming that there was some level of familial sympatico. Never mind that my ALO was too entrenched in their own life and pursuits to share or discuss such a dream. I think I thought something like one day my ALO would wake up after being healed and clean and sober of their addictions and think, "Aha! Back I go to the bosom of my faithful family and we shall all build an idyllic life together!" I never really took into full consideration that my ALO has their own dreams and plans, and family life was not a priority for them. And that even now, in the throes of their addictions, they are a bonna-fide adult who has a right to live their own life. You can't make someone feel a love and attachment that simply isn't there for them. Everyone has different priorities and goals in life, it doesn't necessarily make them right or wrong. They simply have different preferences.
I was confusing my hope that they will one day recover with my own fantasy of what I thought their recovery should look like. Instead, now I am learning that my hope is that they will recover and find their own version of a happy, sane and sober life, and that life may or may not include me. And that's OK. I pray for and wish them well in it.
Anyway, just some thoughts.
For a long time, in the back of my mind I had this dream that my ALO would recover things would get back to normal (whatever that is) and we'd be some sort of regular family again. Maybe we'd even open a restaurant together. We'd have happy Thanksgivings and Merry Christmases around a table that would make Norman Rockwell proud. My ALO would have their zest for life restored and become a productive and upstanding member of society and our family. We'd all be reasonably happy together.
The truth is, I needed a HUGE reality check. Things could never get back to normal because they were never "normal" to begin with. The fantasy I held was my very own fantasy, no one else shared it with me. I never bothered to really consider if this fantasy was the same dream anyone else shared. Rather it was just some thing that I harbored in my own mind, assuming that there was some level of familial sympatico. Never mind that my ALO was too entrenched in their own life and pursuits to share or discuss such a dream. I think I thought something like one day my ALO would wake up after being healed and clean and sober of their addictions and think, "Aha! Back I go to the bosom of my faithful family and we shall all build an idyllic life together!" I never really took into full consideration that my ALO has their own dreams and plans, and family life was not a priority for them. And that even now, in the throes of their addictions, they are a bonna-fide adult who has a right to live their own life. You can't make someone feel a love and attachment that simply isn't there for them. Everyone has different priorities and goals in life, it doesn't necessarily make them right or wrong. They simply have different preferences.
I was confusing my hope that they will one day recover with my own fantasy of what I thought their recovery should look like. Instead, now I am learning that my hope is that they will recover and find their own version of a happy, sane and sober life, and that life may or may not include me. And that's OK. I pray for and wish them well in it.
Anyway, just some thoughts.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
A Prayer for Today
God grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change;
Courage to change the things I can;
And wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
As it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
If I surrender to His Will;
So that I may be reasonably happy in this life
And supremely happy with Him
Forever and ever in the next.
Through Jesus Christ our Lord, Amen.
Image from Barry's Clip Art.
To accept the things I cannot change;
Courage to change the things I can;
And wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
As it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
If I surrender to His Will;
So that I may be reasonably happy in this life
And supremely happy with Him
Forever and ever in the next.
Through Jesus Christ our Lord, Amen.
Image from Barry's Clip Art.
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Manure & A Bit of Wisdom
If you follow here, you might recall I'm reading Crazy Love by Francis Chan. It has really challenged and convicted me and I love it.
One of the things that Chan says is that Christians are like manure. When they are all piled up together, and basically that's all they do, they STINK. When they go out and about and are spread all over, they do good and make things grow.
One of the things that Chan says is that Christians are like manure. When they are all piled up together, and basically that's all they do, they STINK. When they go out and about and are spread all over, they do good and make things grow.
Friday, October 16, 2009
Sunday, October 4, 2009
Kanye-shomon-yea
WHAT is THIS???
I found the above on the deliciously funny Cake Wrecks blog, where you and find it here, and make the joke with your own website if you like.
I know this joke is like so two weeks ago, but I still find it funny.
I found the above on the deliciously funny Cake Wrecks blog, where you and find it here, and make the joke with your own website if you like.
I know this joke is like so two weeks ago, but I still find it funny.
Saturday, October 3, 2009
Thoughts on Lies, Addiction & Family Relationships
For some reason my addicted loved one (ALO) has focused their anger and ire on me during their most recent cycle of sobriety, fresh start/new life, relapse, hospitalization, and (hopefully)recovery. I have been called a devil, hypocritical Christian and the one that killed their (ALO's) relationship and/or opportunities. This is because I told the truth when asked questions regarding my addicted loved one's (ALO) life while they were hospitalized in a medically induced coma from illness that stems from their addiction.
For the first time I tried to refrain from apologizing for my ALO, because I struggle with feeling guilty when I become aware of the hurt they cause others in the course of their life of addiction. I remind myself that the people that chose to date, live with, employ, befriend, and otherwise help my ALO are adults capable of their own decisions about who they will let into their life and trust, help and love. It's not my job to go around apologizing for or fixing the things that people other than myself do to each other. I don't know why I feel like I should, but I used to have a real problem with that, and I am working very hard to not feel, think and react that way anymore.
I had not heard from my ALO in about 5 months when I was contacted by their live-in-companion who informed me ALO was hospitalized in critical condition. My ALO's companion then asked me some very basic questions about them, which I answered truthfully to the best of my knowledge. I tried, and I think mostly succeeded in keeping emotions, drama and opinions out of it. I tried not to add anything other than what I was asked. That is difficult when faced with some whoppers of lies, which when added to the worry and concern over the health of my loved one, it's difficult to stay calm and clear-headed. The shock of some of the content of the fabrications took me aback, but I made a good effort that is miles and miles better than my reactions to these kinds of similar scenarios I had been placed in in the past. I do this by reminding myself of the content of the italicized sentence in the previous paragraph.
I remind myself that my loved one has an illness and this is part of it. I didn't cause it, I can't control it, I can't cure it. Only my loved one can, by the help and grace of God, change their life and choices.
As I mused about all of this this week, and prayed so much for my ALO I feel like God gave a little snippet of understanding. My ALO has hurt and alienated so many people in their life, but I know for sure that my Mom, Big Daddy and myself will never stop loving them. Our love is unconditional, but it's difficult sometimes. We have never been able to stop loving and caring. We have never been able or even willing to cut ties altogether. I believe that the Lord showed me that it was Him who placed ALO in a family of people that would not give up or abandon ALO.
Everybody has a cross of some kind to bear. This life is filled with hardships, some that we make ourselves, others we have thrust upon us, as Simon of Cyrene was told to carry Jesus' cross. Jesus loves us when we are unlovable and how much should we love those among us that are also a challenge.
So, it hurts me when my ALO calls me names for telling the truth regarding the lies they tell. It hurts to think about all the ways they have hurt themselves and others. Today the Lord reminded me of this:
As I have been reading and being reminded in Crazy Love, it's easy to love people who treat you well and love you back. Jesus Himself taught us that here. If I get caught up in nursing hurts and anger I am less likely to pray for the people who need prayers the most and that includes myself and my own attitudes. I am more likely to be overcome with hurt, despair and my own bad feelings rather than overcoming evil with good.
In the past my mode of operation was to spend excess amounts of time wallowing, worrying and stewing over these types of hurts. Now I realize how unproductive that is. These situations are best handled when bathed in prayer, and by getting on with doing all the good things in life that Christ has called us to do. When I went to Al-Anon there was a saying that the members would say to each other in the meeting when someone was doing too much obsessing over the erratic and hurtful behaviour of their addicted loved one. They would say, "Yes that's bad that s/he is doing X-behaviour, but what are you doing FOR YOU?" Then they would go on to say something like, "Are you eating right? Are YOU getting enough sleep? Exercise? Enjoying your favorite hobby? Reading your Bible?"
So, this is me, e.b., working through this stuff.
For the first time I tried to refrain from apologizing for my ALO, because I struggle with feeling guilty when I become aware of the hurt they cause others in the course of their life of addiction. I remind myself that the people that chose to date, live with, employ, befriend, and otherwise help my ALO are adults capable of their own decisions about who they will let into their life and trust, help and love. It's not my job to go around apologizing for or fixing the things that people other than myself do to each other. I don't know why I feel like I should, but I used to have a real problem with that, and I am working very hard to not feel, think and react that way anymore.
I had not heard from my ALO in about 5 months when I was contacted by their live-in-companion who informed me ALO was hospitalized in critical condition. My ALO's companion then asked me some very basic questions about them, which I answered truthfully to the best of my knowledge. I tried, and I think mostly succeeded in keeping emotions, drama and opinions out of it. I tried not to add anything other than what I was asked. That is difficult when faced with some whoppers of lies, which when added to the worry and concern over the health of my loved one, it's difficult to stay calm and clear-headed. The shock of some of the content of the fabrications took me aback, but I made a good effort that is miles and miles better than my reactions to these kinds of similar scenarios I had been placed in in the past. I do this by reminding myself of the content of the italicized sentence in the previous paragraph.
I remind myself that my loved one has an illness and this is part of it. I didn't cause it, I can't control it, I can't cure it. Only my loved one can, by the help and grace of God, change their life and choices.
As I mused about all of this this week, and prayed so much for my ALO I feel like God gave a little snippet of understanding. My ALO has hurt and alienated so many people in their life, but I know for sure that my Mom, Big Daddy and myself will never stop loving them. Our love is unconditional, but it's difficult sometimes. We have never been able to stop loving and caring. We have never been able or even willing to cut ties altogether. I believe that the Lord showed me that it was Him who placed ALO in a family of people that would not give up or abandon ALO.
Everybody has a cross of some kind to bear. This life is filled with hardships, some that we make ourselves, others we have thrust upon us, as Simon of Cyrene was told to carry Jesus' cross. Jesus loves us when we are unlovable and how much should we love those among us that are also a challenge.
So, it hurts me when my ALO calls me names for telling the truth regarding the lies they tell. It hurts to think about all the ways they have hurt themselves and others. Today the Lord reminded me of this:
"[And see to it that] your conscience is entirely clear (unimpaired), so that, when you are falsely accused as evildoers, those who threaten you abusively and revile your right behavior in Christ may come to be ashamed [of slandering your good lives].
For [it is] better to suffer [unjustly] for doing right, if that should be God's will, than to suffer [justly] for doing wrong."
-1 Peter 3:16-17 AMP
As I have been reading and being reminded in Crazy Love, it's easy to love people who treat you well and love you back. Jesus Himself taught us that here. If I get caught up in nursing hurts and anger I am less likely to pray for the people who need prayers the most and that includes myself and my own attitudes. I am more likely to be overcome with hurt, despair and my own bad feelings rather than overcoming evil with good.
In the past my mode of operation was to spend excess amounts of time wallowing, worrying and stewing over these types of hurts. Now I realize how unproductive that is. These situations are best handled when bathed in prayer, and by getting on with doing all the good things in life that Christ has called us to do. When I went to Al-Anon there was a saying that the members would say to each other in the meeting when someone was doing too much obsessing over the erratic and hurtful behaviour of their addicted loved one. They would say, "Yes that's bad that s/he is doing X-behaviour, but what are you doing FOR YOU?" Then they would go on to say something like, "Are you eating right? Are YOU getting enough sleep? Exercise? Enjoying your favorite hobby? Reading your Bible?"
So, this is me, e.b., working through this stuff.
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