ac·ri·mo·ni·ous [àkrə mṓnee əss]
adj
resentful and angry: full of or displaying anger and resentment
synonyms: spiteful, rancorous, discordant, hostile, unfriendly, harsh
The recent holidays remind us of what we're thankful for, and they also can remind us of the more difficult and unpleasant aspects of family life. My extended family has changed over the years and not exactly for the better. I would be lying if I said that it did not make me a little sad. Though I certainly have much more to be thankful for and to count as blessings than what I feel has been 'lost.'
I was recently reminded of a quote in a movie. The character was supposedly quoting Bob Marley, the influential musician. It went like this: The evil people of the world do not take a day off and neither should the good ones. And even though Bob Marley had some interesting and unorthodox beliefs and practices, he also knew the Bible and that is where the foundation of that quote comes from.
So this post is to remind us that even when we feel weary and beaten down, discouraged, unloved and unappreciated, mocked, ignored and abused, we should not let it stop us or get us down or let it change us for the worse. The Bible says to not be overcome with evil but to overcome evil with good; And not to get weary with doing good.
Be encouraged.
Be strong.
Chin up and go on.
Do good today and every day.
The Lord will make a way.
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Friday, November 19, 2010
Funny Friday
This is a popular hip-hop song from a few years back. If you live in a Conservative Christian Bubble, like me, you are not very aware of those things. Just take a moment and listen to the song for about 20-30 seconds. Then look at this:
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Ch, Chh, Chh, Changes....
A recent post over at MMI had me thinking about change. MMI was discussing change in churches, but I am thinking of it generally as it relates to every facet in life. I have gone through more changes that you can count, and in so many ways. I think that I am one person who is not immediately adverse to change, but rather accepting of it. I'm not sure how I came to be that way but I suspect it was because my family made many moves when I was a child and two of them were major, cross-country moves. When we considered our last major change, about 2 years ago when we moved down here, my mother was very concerned about how the move would affect our oldest child who would begin his sophomore year of high school in our new home. I reminded my mom of all the moves they dragged me through, I went to 3 separate high schools, and it was halfway through my sophomore year that I settled into the high school I would graduate from. Change was very difficult and even painful for me back then, but I became grateful for it, and I believe that it only enriched my life. Nothing in this life ever stays the same. Everything changes, and yet nearly everyone I know is so resistant to it. Why is that?
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Monday, November 8, 2010
Thank You Veterans and Active Duty Military!
If it weren't for you, brave souls, I would not be able to sit here typing and having the liberty to do the many things I do. My children live free, O thank you for that, and a million other things I'm not quite sure how to put into words.
Sunday, November 7, 2010
Journal entry: When people show you who they are, believe them
This is a journal entry from some months ago. It's very personal stuff, might not be everyone's cup of tea. Winter/Spring 2010
photo by Paul Worthington
"When people show you who they are, believe them."
- Maya Angelou
quote from Batman Begins:
"...it's not who you are underneath, it's what you do that defines you."
About twelve years ago someone recommended the book "Boundaries" by Doctors Cloud and Townsend. In it's own way, you could consider it the Christian version of "Co-Dependent No More" which is the self-help bible for those in close relationships with addicts or abusive people of one kind or another. Besides the Bible, I think it is the book that most changed my life for the better. I had trouble with a variety of my relationships, let me just say that alcoholism was a factor in some of the relationships, though there were other factors as well. I was a doormat. I was loathe to say no to people when they asked me to do things for them, even things they shouldn't have asked, or things that most people wouldn't dare to ask. I would put up with rude comments without complaint or acknowledgment. Instead of expressing my thoughts and feelings in a healthy way, I would internalize it and have a lot of seething anger and resentment. I believe God sent those books into my life as a supplement for the way He was changing me, helping me and growing me as His child and follower. So with much prayer I went forward and those books helped me to implement healthy tools and ways of coping with not only difficult people, but every person in my life.
The amazing thing was, when I began setting the healthy boundaries my relationships with a few people improved! However, the improvement wasn't until after an initial difficult period of time. The transition was uncomfortable. Some people didn't want to respect my healthy boundaries at first. Eventually they did, though, and then our relationship grew and flourished. A new, improved relationship was built out of the ashes of the old one. There was more respect and honesty. It was/is great.
I thought that because I experienced this good growth and change in a few relationships, that all my relationships would be that way! Boy, was I wrong! And I say that with wide eyes and a smile on my face, even though it's sad to lose friends. I don't think I consciously believed that, or even thought much about my new boundary changes bringing healing and good in my all relationships in those specific terms. I think it was more of me just not realizing that simply because I was ready for health and change for the better, everyone else would be as well. Do all of us have a tendency to automatically view people from the filter of our experience, rather than realizing that every single individual has a different perception and perspective on life? I am guilty of that. I think sometimes because I try to be a loyal friend and have an open heart everyone else is basically that way, but they are not, no more than everyone loves dark chocolate and Monty Python like I do. Surely some people want a friend who is a doormat. They aren't interested if the rug they wipe their feet on is ready to be wall tapestry. Some are not out-and-out users, to be sure, but they simply don't want the slightest change at all.
I found this particularly hard to accept in my friends that were confessed Christians. I know we are not to judge, lest we ourselves be judged. I do know that we are permitted to "inspect fruit," as another pastor's wife so succinctly put it. All I can observe is how these individuals treat me, my family and others. I cannot look into their heart and mind to see whether or not their soul's anchor is in Christ, and I know with certainty that I am not better than them or anyone else. All I can do or say is that that their treatment and actions toward me and my family was not kind or biblical. That threw me for a loop, when we subscribe to the same faith, and all the ethics and values that entails.
This got me thinking about something else recently, the basics of Christianity. Call it Jesus 101. The two great commandments Christ gave, the second one being the golden rule. If people don't love themselves, how can they love others? I'm not talking about narcissistic dysfunction and over-inflated self love. I'm talking about basically liking themselves and being comfortable with themself. Have you ever been so unhappy with yourself that you obsessed and criticized many things about yourself or others? Maybe you haven't been that way but maybe you know someone else like that. The phrase low self esteem, is tossed around so much, but I am pausing and thinking about what those words really mean. Low self esteem rears its ugly head in a variety of ways. Some internalize and some externalize. If you don't treat yourself well how can you treat others well? I am realizing that some people are just not happy with themselves, on the most basic level. Their unhappiness seeps on to those around them, sometimes it's mild and sometimes it's brash, sometimes it's subtle and sometimes overty. Just my own thoughts as I work through life.
- Maya Angelou
"...it's not who you are underneath, it's what you do that defines you."
About twelve years ago someone recommended the book "Boundaries" by Doctors Cloud and Townsend. In it's own way, you could consider it the Christian version of "Co-Dependent No More" which is the self-help bible for those in close relationships with addicts or abusive people of one kind or another. Besides the Bible, I think it is the book that most changed my life for the better. I had trouble with a variety of my relationships, let me just say that alcoholism was a factor in some of the relationships, though there were other factors as well. I was a doormat. I was loathe to say no to people when they asked me to do things for them, even things they shouldn't have asked, or things that most people wouldn't dare to ask. I would put up with rude comments without complaint or acknowledgment. Instead of expressing my thoughts and feelings in a healthy way, I would internalize it and have a lot of seething anger and resentment. I believe God sent those books into my life as a supplement for the way He was changing me, helping me and growing me as His child and follower. So with much prayer I went forward and those books helped me to implement healthy tools and ways of coping with not only difficult people, but every person in my life.
The amazing thing was, when I began setting the healthy boundaries my relationships with a few people improved! However, the improvement wasn't until after an initial difficult period of time. The transition was uncomfortable. Some people didn't want to respect my healthy boundaries at first. Eventually they did, though, and then our relationship grew and flourished. A new, improved relationship was built out of the ashes of the old one. There was more respect and honesty. It was/is great.
I thought that because I experienced this good growth and change in a few relationships, that all my relationships would be that way! Boy, was I wrong! And I say that with wide eyes and a smile on my face, even though it's sad to lose friends. I don't think I consciously believed that, or even thought much about my new boundary changes bringing healing and good in my all relationships in those specific terms. I think it was more of me just not realizing that simply because I was ready for health and change for the better, everyone else would be as well. Do all of us have a tendency to automatically view people from the filter of our experience, rather than realizing that every single individual has a different perception and perspective on life? I am guilty of that. I think sometimes because I try to be a loyal friend and have an open heart everyone else is basically that way, but they are not, no more than everyone loves dark chocolate and Monty Python like I do. Surely some people want a friend who is a doormat. They aren't interested if the rug they wipe their feet on is ready to be wall tapestry. Some are not out-and-out users, to be sure, but they simply don't want the slightest change at all.
I found this particularly hard to accept in my friends that were confessed Christians. I know we are not to judge, lest we ourselves be judged. I do know that we are permitted to "inspect fruit," as another pastor's wife so succinctly put it. All I can observe is how these individuals treat me, my family and others. I cannot look into their heart and mind to see whether or not their soul's anchor is in Christ, and I know with certainty that I am not better than them or anyone else. All I can do or say is that that their treatment and actions toward me and my family was not kind or biblical. That threw me for a loop, when we subscribe to the same faith, and all the ethics and values that entails.
This got me thinking about something else recently, the basics of Christianity. Call it Jesus 101. The two great commandments Christ gave, the second one being the golden rule. If people don't love themselves, how can they love others? I'm not talking about narcissistic dysfunction and over-inflated self love. I'm talking about basically liking themselves and being comfortable with themself. Have you ever been so unhappy with yourself that you obsessed and criticized many things about yourself or others? Maybe you haven't been that way but maybe you know someone else like that. The phrase low self esteem, is tossed around so much, but I am pausing and thinking about what those words really mean. Low self esteem rears its ugly head in a variety of ways. Some internalize and some externalize. If you don't treat yourself well how can you treat others well? I am realizing that some people are just not happy with themselves, on the most basic level. Their unhappiness seeps on to those around them, sometimes it's mild and sometimes it's brash, sometimes it's subtle and sometimes overty. Just my own thoughts as I work through life.
Monday, November 1, 2010
Observation on Apologies
I have noticed that some people will do various things things to assuage their conscience toward people they hurt in some way. They will do all kinds of things, from small to elaborate, from simple to costly, but they will not act right and not simply say they were sorry. Just a simple saying that costs nothing but pride. Strange, isn't it?
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