Sleeper Gems - Movie: The Tenant of Wildfell Hall

Sleeper - belated success: somebody who or something that is not an immediate success but, often surprisingly, later becomes one
In this case, it shall simply be an older movie or lesser known movie that I like.
Gem - somebody or something excellent: somebody or something considered to be valuable, useful, or beautiful (informal)

With this theme in mind, I have thought to highlight every so often an old movie, or a newer one I happen across, especially ones that are not so well known, that I feel is worth recommending.



Today while doing chores, I watched a BBC miniseries from the late 90s: The Tenant of Wildfell Hall, based on a Anne Bronte story. I recall watching it on PBS on various afternoons back when it was more current. I enjoyed it back then and I enjoyed it now. In many ways it has a similar theme as Diary of a Mad Black Woman. Anyone who is a fan of Jane Austen and the Bronte Sisters and of costume dramas should be pleased with it. I like it's themes of protecting oneself and one's child when faced with an abusive spouse and of maintaining fidelity and integrity in the midst of such a difficult and abusive marriage. I particularly like the message that marriage is a serious matter and should not be rushed into. The heroine does just that, ignoring her aunt's advice and endures years of escalating misery because of it.
**Spoiler alert**

Don't read further if you intend to rent it.

I like that at the conclusion of the story, the heroine, now a widow and free to remarry, does not intend to rush into it again, but advises a sensible time of engagement with her suitor. Once bitten, twice shy and the wiser for it.

Un-Friending, It Hurts Sometimes

photo by Giueseppe Bognanni

This week, a FaceSpace* friend, Lola* posted about being un-friend-ed by someone, for no apparent reason, and how that hurt her. Lola wrote that she "frowns when she realized she was un-friend-ed for no reason." Puzzling as it is, there has to be a reason.

(Of course, this illicited a dozen or so responses from people that showed her support and affection.)

Perhaps the reason is not personal at all, but rather that the "un-friend-er" is quitting the site altogether or trimming down their list for various reasons. For example, I've heard of some who only want to be "friends" with people who are actually and currently friends, rather than a classmate or former co-worker that they rarely see. Others seem to enjoy being on the periphery of the lives of a slew of distant friends and acquaintances. This also speaks volumes again about the ways our communication is changing due to these newer ways of relating, and by that I mean the whole social networking phenomenon.

Lola's post reminded me that I have a grown, married niece that "un-friend-ed" me. I think she did it because I made a teasing comment about something she posted about Britney Spears, she's a fan. I didn't say anything rude or mean, but after I posted that comment I was un-friend-ed. Naturally I drew a conclusion. Who knows? It could have been a whim or an accidental click. If you know me or have read this blog for any amount of time, you know that Ms. Spears is the antithesis of who/what I like and appreciate about music, culture and art. (Yet I really like a Christmas song of hers I have on a Christmas CD of various artists.) So I rather good-naturedly teased my niece. At least I think it was mild rather than mean. I think I made some kind of self-deprecating joke about being and old-fogey because I don't get whole Britney Spears fan-dom thing.

I sort of tucked this away until now, and haven't really thought about it. When Lola posted about her situation, I began to ruminate about it again. It got me to consider some things. I suppose I don't have much in common with a Britney Spears fan, and therein lies the rub, haha, now that's just a joke. It would have been a better joke if we were talking about Christina Aguilera, though. Seriously, family and friends should be able to have a little teasing and joking between them. As well as the ability to be honest with each other about things that bother us, including being teased, without it causing an undue amount of strain or separation. Instead of actually communicating, neither my niece nor I pursued it further. This was a girl I loved and doted on when she was a child. I tried to support and love as she grew into adulthood and was there through all the milestones: graduation, engagement, wedding shower, wedding. So while it puzzled me, for short time after it happened, I never looked into it. I really could have sent her an email and inquired. She could have deleted my comment and let her old auntie know that she was annoyed by my comment, if that was the case. None of that happened. Now we're just not in touch.

Texting and social networking sites have changed the way we communicated, some for better and some for worse. But really, what am I going to do about it? In hindsight, perhaps I ought to have said something directly and tried to settle it immediately.

So, have these new ways of communicating affected you?
For better worse or both? How and why?
In which situations is un-friend-ing acceptable?
Why do you think people are more apt to click an "un-friend" button rather than really speak their mind to the person about whatever is bothering them enough to consider it?

*changed names, of course

sailboats

I like this picture.

from here

Today 10/14/10

Today.
Today I feel like I have a wide open heart. I am not afraid of the past mingling with the here and now. I feel like forgiving. I feel like acknowledging that people's own problems and hang-ups are their own, and I am just an open had for them to take and hold or ignore. And that is enough.
Today.
Today I am reading "The Dude Abides: The Gospel According to the Coen Brothers" and "Reviving Ophelia: Saving the Selves of Adolescent Girls." I am listening to Tom Waits, Tom Petty, Stevie Nicks, Blind Melon, Kenny Loggins, Maroon 5. It is rainy and raining. I have washed and folded clothes, and cleaned the ice and water dispenser. I have cleaned the interior windows with vinegar, and it mingles with the strong nag champa incense and makes my eyes water just a little.
Soon Big Daddy will be home for a lunch break, and we will eat together.
This is domestic bliss.
Today.

Ninja Parade

Ninja Parade Slips Through Town Unnoticed Once Again

Drowning in Sorrow vs. An Occasional Dip in The Pool of Sadness

I think it's OK to wallow in sorrow for a time when you need to. If you are grieving over a loss or very sad about something, take a dip in the pool of sorrow. Allow yourself that, but do not by any means allow yourself to drown in sorrow. I think we get into trouble when we allow ourselves too much time at either end of that emotion. Not enough reflection over grief will cause us harm and so will too much grieving. Guard your heart and mind against both extremes. This has worked for me.


photo by besighyawn

"Classic" Punk Rock

I took a look at Jorge Garcia's blog, and found a gem of an old punk rock song I hadn't thought about in YEARS. Then just like the little mouse who's given a cookie in one of the kid's beloved storybooks, I was off on a classic punk rock song hunt, one song reminding me to look for another! So here's something I just threw together while doing housework. I wanted to keep it from the classic era ( late 70's early 80's) and the stuff that was genre-blending and and some even getting airplay in the mainstream. I wanted to keep it a little diverse, a little ska, a little English, a little NY, a little LA, a little mod, well, you get the picture.

Dig these grooves, baby!