Un-Friending, It Hurts Sometimes

photo by Giueseppe Bognanni

This week, a FaceSpace* friend, Lola* posted about being un-friend-ed by someone, for no apparent reason, and how that hurt her. Lola wrote that she "frowns when she realized she was un-friend-ed for no reason." Puzzling as it is, there has to be a reason.

(Of course, this illicited a dozen or so responses from people that showed her support and affection.)

Perhaps the reason is not personal at all, but rather that the "un-friend-er" is quitting the site altogether or trimming down their list for various reasons. For example, I've heard of some who only want to be "friends" with people who are actually and currently friends, rather than a classmate or former co-worker that they rarely see. Others seem to enjoy being on the periphery of the lives of a slew of distant friends and acquaintances. This also speaks volumes again about the ways our communication is changing due to these newer ways of relating, and by that I mean the whole social networking phenomenon.

Lola's post reminded me that I have a grown, married niece that "un-friend-ed" me. I think she did it because I made a teasing comment about something she posted about Britney Spears, she's a fan. I didn't say anything rude or mean, but after I posted that comment I was un-friend-ed. Naturally I drew a conclusion. Who knows? It could have been a whim or an accidental click. If you know me or have read this blog for any amount of time, you know that Ms. Spears is the antithesis of who/what I like and appreciate about music, culture and art. (Yet I really like a Christmas song of hers I have on a Christmas CD of various artists.) So I rather good-naturedly teased my niece. At least I think it was mild rather than mean. I think I made some kind of self-deprecating joke about being and old-fogey because I don't get whole Britney Spears fan-dom thing.

I sort of tucked this away until now, and haven't really thought about it. When Lola posted about her situation, I began to ruminate about it again. It got me to consider some things. I suppose I don't have much in common with a Britney Spears fan, and therein lies the rub, haha, now that's just a joke. It would have been a better joke if we were talking about Christina Aguilera, though. Seriously, family and friends should be able to have a little teasing and joking between them. As well as the ability to be honest with each other about things that bother us, including being teased, without it causing an undue amount of strain or separation. Instead of actually communicating, neither my niece nor I pursued it further. This was a girl I loved and doted on when she was a child. I tried to support and love as she grew into adulthood and was there through all the milestones: graduation, engagement, wedding shower, wedding. So while it puzzled me, for short time after it happened, I never looked into it. I really could have sent her an email and inquired. She could have deleted my comment and let her old auntie know that she was annoyed by my comment, if that was the case. None of that happened. Now we're just not in touch.

Texting and social networking sites have changed the way we communicated, some for better and some for worse. But really, what am I going to do about it? In hindsight, perhaps I ought to have said something directly and tried to settle it immediately.

So, have these new ways of communicating affected you?
For better worse or both? How and why?
In which situations is un-friend-ing acceptable?
Why do you think people are more apt to click an "un-friend" button rather than really speak their mind to the person about whatever is bothering them enough to consider it?

*changed names, of course

Pet Peeve - Spelling Names Correctly

Why is it that my cyber-pals can spell my name right, but relatives whom I've known for AGES cannot? One particular relative, consistently misspells some of our names. However, my online friends seem to be able to remember a correct spelling. I would think not having met someone in person would make it more difficult to keep details straight. Some of the people who have broken bread with us countless times, and were with us through the births and baby dedications cannot seem to remember a few letters. There are times when the name is posted over social networking sites, and they can't even get it right when it's written elsewhere on the same computer screen "page." It's a pet peeve.

If someone is only casually acquainted with us, I can understand, but when someone has known you for decades and your children since before birth, well, I think it's rude to misspell. Am I being too hard? Am I being petty? Does this bother anyone else? It's a pet peeve. Winnie the Pooh would say, "A little bothering thing." Like a yapping chihuahua.


photo byby wcmcwi

When Doves Coo, When Roosters Crow

Having joined FaceBook recently, I became the recipient of one of the questionnaires that get passed around there. It’s a pleasant enough exercise to fill out for oneself. I enjoy reading the ones my friends have filled out, it helps one to know and understand them a little better, particularly friends that are distant and I have been out of touch with. The question that provoked my thoughts on this post was, “What is your favorite sound?”

I couldn’t just pick one. There are many I enjoy. This is not exhaustive and today is not the day to wax poetically about rain on a tin roof, the laughter of children or the sounds of the sea shore. I'm thinking about bird sounds today, as you probably guessed from the title.

When we first moved to Central Florida my parents chose a home in a subdivision that was quite wooded, this in itself was in contrast to most of the newer neighborhoods that they looked at. There were pine trees and old oaks in abundance. I remember falling asleep to the sounds of a Mourning dove cooing, though I had no idea at the time what kind of bird was soothing me. Which is ironic when I consider how many times I rocked out to a certain song, the lyrics saying, “Just like a white-winged dove, sings a song, sounds like…oooh, baby, oooh, said oooh.” How pleasant it was to fall asleep, or wake up with fresh air and the sounds of the doves wafting in on the breeze.

There are many doves around here. However, until recently I was not able to hear their gentle song because of the sounds of another bird: The noble rooster. Roosters seem to polarize, they are either loved or hated. They are most abundant in Key West, and less so here in the middle Keys, but their presence has been steady since we moved here about 10 months ago. (You can read more about Keys Roosters here, if you like.) I personally enjoy their crowing, though I will admit to threatening one particular fellow who begins his “sunrise” at 2:30 am, if he‘s in our yard while crowing! Most nights this doesn’t even bother me, but on sleepless nights, when I’m sick, or restless or grouchy, I have threatened to ring his neck and put him in my pot! The sound of a faraway rooster crowing is comforting; the sound of him right under your window is “alarming”. For now though, I don’t think I’ll have to worry about it since I have not heard the rooster for a solid week. Wonder what happened to him? I can guess…

FaceBook

I resisted it for so long. After all, I only joined myspace this past summer. I am about 4+ years late on that trend. I joked that I would join facebook in a few years, to keep in line with my habitual tardiness. Well, I gave in this morning, and now I'm hooked.

My baby brother has moved all the way to Oregon, and he sent me a facebook e-vite this morning. How could I resist? Last week my Auntie and Sister-in-Law had also sent invitations. My brother's was the proverbial straw.

Facebook is like myspace but for adults. There is no pimping of your profile, at least not that I have noticed. It's just a basic way of staying in touch with family, friends and colleagues, both near and far. AND you can reconnect with of high school, college and even in some cases elementary school pals! I'm loving that so far. I also love, that since I'm using a glitchy old laptop (we'll shall call her sLola) I don't get all frozen up on facebook the way I do on myspace, what with every one's unique graphics and soundtracks loading.

So, I could have written something relevant and timely about the Inauguration, but alas, this be my online journal and I was feeling thusly, and a little piratey, too.

If you want a good Inauguration piece, check out PreacherPen's blog, he's listed over there on the right. Or this article from the Australian, or this article from Real Clear Politics, which I will quote:

He [Obama] also seems to want policies that are not just politically popular, or satisfy a political constituency, but also work. And therein lies the hope.

Anyway, I was moved by the Inauguration Ceremony, the prayers, and such. I was proud that our nation has overcome so many obstacles, yet I hope that will not keep our minds and hearts off of the real work that needs to be done to get this nation back on track. I must admit to a hopefulness, and I hope it isn't naive.


We must pray hard for our nation and its leaders.