Ode to an Addict

I think of you every time I watch Anthony Bourdain, Iron Chef and Good Eats on TV. I probably wouldn't have taken more than a passing interest in those shows if it weren't for you, but your influence got me hooked on them. I used to look at some of the comments you'd make, the songs you would link on your FaceSpace page. Many of them the tunes we grew up listening to on the am/fm radio of some huge Oldsmobile or Cadillac. I think of the song lyrics we changed and made into dirty and funny jokes between us. My mind wanders and I think, we could be a normal family, we could be sitting together eating macaroni and cheese or tortellini in cream sauce and watching those shows or listening to those tunes as we joke and laugh. We could be really real. It makes me miss you. Few families are perfect and 'normal' is subjective - but any semblance of genuine family interaction cannot happen because you don't live a real life, you live a double life. You might talk about those warm memories from good days-gone-by on the one hand, but the other side of you lies and scams people, abuses yourself and others. You use porn and talk to young Indonesian girls over the internet rather than the actual people in your life who (would) really care (if you let them). You tell your elaborate lies for as long as you can and when you're found out, you move on. I used to be left with the fall-out from that, the calls from concerned and angry people. Do you know how much you hurt? Notice I didn't say "hurt others?" You hurt. You are hurting. It's never to late to get help and change. You're worth it. I miss you.
~


I was upset, hurting and missing my loved one when I wrote this. I still hold out hope because I have faith and pray and believe in a living, miracle-working God.


Photo by Boskizzi