Nature Boy, part 2 (Journal Entry)

I am working through feelings and issues that impact me and my family. Addiction, co-dependency and dysfunction used to put an undue burden on my life and my heart. Over time, and most importantly through faith in a real and living God, healthier ways of living and coping are being sought and implemented in my life. Journaling is one tool on the road to healing. It helps me process and understand things in a more productive way.



I was thinking more about this song and my wayward loved one. The song itself, has a sort of positive message: "The greatest thing you'll ever learn is to love and be loved in return." Yet, the overall impact of the song is somber (in my opinion). It feels sad. Beautiful, but sad, particularly in the Jazz versions of the tune.

My loved one seems to want love very badly but as best as I can tell, they look for that love in the wrong places and in the wrong way. This is my own limited knowledge and observation. I know that my loved one lies so much about so many things and inevitably the truth comes out sooner or later. Then the people who have been lied too act and react, and my loved one is further isolated. You cannot build relationships on lies. I know substance abuse is a factor. I suspect mental illness, because the lack of care toward others and the lies go beyond more typical addiction behaviour, if you will. Let me clarify, they are not lies to cover up and otherwise aid my loved one in getting high. Not ranting and babbling while under the influence. They are often grandiose lies that make my loved one look favorable, but often at the expense and hurt of others: slander.

Addiction, mental illness, what came first? Again, I'm not sure. If my loved one was not actively using alcohol and/or drugs, would the lies stop? In the past, and again it's difficult to tell, they have decreased somewhat but not stopped completely. Which has led to my suspicions of mental illness. Is my loved one capable of being truthful and having what I would call a "normal" relationship with people? And by that I mean any type of normal long-term relationship, be it friendships, romantic, etc., where there is give and take. A very strange and enchanted one, indeed, and lonely and prone to wander as well.

I hope my loved one will discover the truth of loving and being loved. We all have choices to make. My loved one can choose to stop lying and choose to be truthful. They can choose to let light in their life instead of darkness. They can choose to reach up for help. That help is available, only a prayer away, for God calls us out of darkness and into His glorious light (here, v. 9). They can choose to stop hurting their own self and others. I pray for that to happen soon.