Madeline L'Engle writes this in the forward to A Grief Observed by C.C. Lewis
"...It is alright to wallow in one's journal; it is a way of getting rid of self-pity, self-indulgence and self-centeredness. What we work out in our journals we don't take out on our family and friends." A Grief Observed is the journal Lewis kept after the death of his wife, and he wallows better than anyone I have ever known, and in so doing, left something helpful to the world of grieving loved ones."
Grief is not my really my topic today. Though surely grief is a factor in my situation, the grief over my Dad’s long and arduous misfortune and then his abrupt and unexpected passing away is the great tragedy of our family. It influenced me in profound ways, and journaling through that was a healthy coping mechanism, whereas other methods of grieving were not so productive. I should have journaled more. Journaling is my subject today, and how immensely helpful it can be for all the reasons L’Engle stated above. Our lives are comprised of good and bad days, and in between days. In one’s journal the heartbreak of the awful day(s) can be recorded in the livid detail and all the ferocious ugliness that often seethes beneath the surface of our pain. (It’s not a pretty sight and there is a good argument to be made for keeping some of it private.) Conversely, our joy can be multiplied and our progressive steps can be plotted and charted. Our journal is our journey.
Even now as I use this blog as a sort of journal I have at times kept some of my entries private because on further reflection and revisiting, I declared them too much of a personal wallow, still others made the cut because I felt that the transparency and confession could be good for myself and hopefully another soul who may be struggling similarly.
Have you ever known someone who’s hurt and pain is so obviously raw that nearly every time you see them the cause of their hurt is constantly and ever present in conversation? I have, and I fear there were some times where I was that person. Sooner or later it wears on their hearers - the friends and family with whom they converse. There comes a time when our genuine concern over our pain-obsessed friend becomes a little exhausted as the same topic is revisited again and again. We want to be a patient and compassionate friend but it is difficult. Those three “self” issues L’Engle mentioned in the above quote factor in. Though we might have the brotherly love of Jonathan and David and the patience of Job, there are times when we ourselves would appreciate a modicum of concern and some sort of friendly reciprocation from our hurting friend. Rubbing to long and too hard in one place creates a blister, and journals can be a helpful way of alleviating blisters.
Keeping a journal works for me.
Just to underscore the title may I recommend: Diary of a Mad Black Woman and Poor Girl by X.
