Communication Breakdown

I came across a quote by Robert McCloskey the other day:


"I know you believe you understand what you think I said, but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant."


It made me smile, because I had found myself in exactly such a situation about a week ago. Mind you, it was not exactly a a happy smile, but a wry smile of familiarity. In the course of what I thought was a conversation between friends, I said something that made the my friend clam up and walk away. I didn't realize this at first because it happened while at work. Conversations there are fragmented, secondary things. Our first priority is the work at hand, the care and safety of the dear little children as they play on the playground. Our playground conversations, if we're even able to have them, are subject to numerous interruptions and postponements if we want to chat a bit about our lives. I found out later on, when I decided to see if the proverbial chill in the air was in fact a chill, that I had pushed a button, touched a nerve, and otherwise made a person mad. Then I got chewed out.

I think that I have been in ministry long enough to suppress the usual first reaction we have when confronted, and that is to just defend oneself. I usually go a little too far the other way, and I'm hard on myself. I rake my conscience to see if I was a fault and somehow offended one of the folks God has placed in my path for care and ministry. The bible says we are servant-leaders, and ambassadors for Christ. Though, I thought I was wearing the "friend hat" that day, more than the "ministry hat" I know that I am always on duty as a minister's wife.

After some thought and consideration I believe a word I chose was what set my friend off. What I thought I was conveying to my friend was sympathy and understanding. However, I used a word in passing, to describe the situation, that is wrought with (prejudicial) meaning for her. Hearing that word describe her situation, was all it took to upset her, regardless if the speaker was using it to convey sympathy or criticism. All she heard was a word that made her see red.

Anyway, she apologized since then, and that makes me even more relieved I did not try to "fight back" in any way. Let go and let God.