The First One

Well, I finally did it, into the blogosphere. Did I really type that, how corny of me? I don’t know if I will have anything noteworthy to say. Perhaps this will be cathartic, Lord knows I need more catharsis. That is written partially with my tongue in my cheek, because too much self-evaluation is, well, selfish, me-focused. But there is something I should be dealing with, and Lord knows, the blockage has to be cleared. If I’m healthy, I can get the focus off of me and onto what I ought to be doing: Loving God and Neighbor and putting that love in action - serving, creating, caring, living, doing. And once upon a time, before the thing* I was a girl who loved to create, write and journal. So anyway, this song by Sixpence None the Richer is sort of a reflection of where my head and heart is at right now:
I’m Waiting
so I'm waiting by a phone for the blessed ring
like a holy grail for a fisher king
time is ticking down like a metronome
rhythm for my brain and its ceaseless games
I never seem to play them to the beat I hear
though my heart beat is a beat that beats so near
so we had a talk last night about the heavy blow
that you dealt in fright you're back against the wall
it was a puzzle piece important to the whole
that I may not find to place within that hole
I never seem to put them in the gaps I see
like a puzzle where the pieces lost to me
Chorus
so I'm changing who I am 'cause what I am's not good
and I know you love me now
but I don't see why you should
and I don't see why you should
no, I don't see why you should

so I drift into the air like a moth to light
down the boulevard to the coffee shop
in the land of sorrow in the land of wait
I fear is bearing down on this lonely town
I never seem to write them down as good as Him
like I somewhere lost the keys that let me in
Chorus so I'm changing who I am
'cause what I am's not good
and I know You love me now
but I don't see why You should
so I'm changing who I am
'cause what I am's not good
and I know You love me now
but I don't see why You should
and I don't see why You should
no, I don't see why you should
song link